Sunday, May 11, 2008
Today is Mother's Day. I was wondering frankly if I was going to be able to celebrate this day with my mom after the last few months we've had. My mother had a heart attack. She was just bouncing back when she had a stroke. The harshest words I've ever heard in my life came from her doctor the day after her hospitalization with stroke. "Your mother is dying. It may be within the next few months or the next few years but her body is shutting down." With those words all kinds of thoughts flooded through my brain. She's 87 and all of her siblings have died around this age from heart related ailments. I don't know what it's like not to have my mom around, for good or for bad she's here. What will it be like? I'm getting older and now I must face my own mortality.
I had a dream roughly two years ago that she had died. Was my mind telling me to prepare or was it just one of those things that go away when we awake. I've never forgotten the feeling of devastation I experienced in that dream and I know there will be a day I will feel it again for real. So where are we now? My mother is very much alive and well. She has a little loss of memory but still very sharp for her age. I sent her roses for Mother's Day. She called to tell me she had never received long stemmed roses in her entire life - it took her 87 years to get them and she would never ever forget how beautiful they were. You know what else? I took her to church today for the first time in over 6 months. When we walked into church I told her not to worry about all the standing up and sitting down throughout the mass. Although it clearly was a trial for her she did it anyway. When I asked her why her response was, "Because I have to. I have to keep moving."
So, we'll see what happens within the next year or two or hopefully many more than that. I pray she proves the doctor wrong for a long time to come. But in the meantime, I still have my mom and we still have Mother's Day every day.
Sufficed to say that's why there have been no posts on this blog for several months. I'm not going to promise to write something regularly because I don't know if I will. Right now my mom has my free time and my heart. But I'll write as I can and keep you updated on her progress. Happy Gardening and for every Mom, Happy Mother's Day. You are loved.
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